


The Joy of Loving

by Coldpep (Deroska)



Category: Twin Peaks, Twin Peaks Fire Walk with Me, the secret diary of laura palmer - Fandom
Genre: 365 words - a david lynchean coincidence !, Diary, F/F, Oneshot, Unrequited Love, compulsory heterosexuality, lesbian laura palmer
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-26
Updated: 2019-05-26
Packaged: 2020-03-17 20:19:33
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 365
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18972295
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Deroska/pseuds/Coldpep
Summary: A secret diary entry of Laura Palmer





	The Joy of Loving

**Author's Note:**

> I read Laura Palmer's secret diary and found it to be nearly 1 to 1 to what I'd written in mine years ago. I wanted to write something in that style, as I find her story comforting, fascinating and tragic at the same time. Since her experiences match mine I headcanon Laura Palmer as a lesbian, this is reflected in my work. Hope you enjoy!

Donna… It hurts so much… I loved you so… but it couldn't be. I can no longer love, I can no longer feel joy loving. There were days when I longed for your warm embrace, but no… men, men, men… men were on my mind.

 

Men controlled me, men loved me, men used me. In a sense I loved them back, as warped and tragic a way I could love back. My heart, lying dead in my chest, thumping shallowly for whatever thrill my hurt brought. 

 

You were all I ever wanted to be, I knew the moment I met you you'd get to live happy, me, I turned into a shadow quicker than I could imagine. Suffocating slowly, I saw you shine brightly, like a fire.

 

Bob ate me alive, left a nothingness where there was feeling, left hatred, so much hatred for the whole wide world. Yet my old forgotten love for you, a hazy memory it will remain. Untouched, still stuck to my very rotten soul.

 

Donna…I Ionged to touch you… a childish play was what I was left with, a forefront to hide very real intentions. Tied back, my arms tied to my back I was unable to move in my own will.

 

And...I knew. I knew you would not love me. You didn't know me, and even if you did, even if you accepted all of me, you would not give in to my desires. And force you I would not. I would be no better than Mike, then.

 

I cherish your memory so. It reminds me of the dead Laura Palmer. 

 

When I think...about her being alive...I wonder what I would say to her. How I could explain myself to her. She'd be terrified. She'd run away from me. I expected no less…

 

Maybe, in another world… she wouldn't have had to die, along with me. I don't wish anyone the same ill fate, yet I didn't do much to break the spell either.

 

Please, hunt it down for me. Kill Bob. Bring peace to my soul, bring peace to all souls.

 

I've ...got to go. Leave. Say goodbye...to your best friend.

 

-Laura Palmer


End file.
